exactly.

I think it's crazy how some quotes, photographs, lyrics, and everything else can almost exactly describe what you're feeling. I mean, they really hit dead on. They put my feelings and thoughts into words, real sentences. It makes me feel better. Less alone, I guess. It's like, you realize you're not alone in these feelings. Someone else feels, or has felt, the way you do now. They know what it's like. And that gives me great comfort, for some reason.

Know what I mean?

'Just remember, if everyone's alone, then we're all together in that too.'

good lord.

He thought that quote was about him.
Jeez. This boy...he's just a little too much then I can handle right now.

to: you.

Dear Mr. Best Friend,

Honestly, I know I should be just telling you the truth.

Keeping it from you is probably hurting you more then it should.

But right now, you're so happy.

I don't want to be the one to ruin it for you.

I really don't.

It was my own silence.

She stared at her reflection in the glossed store windows

as if to make sure, moment by moment,

she continued to exist.

- The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

painfully true.

I was just thinking...

what if I had decided to turn of my light like I was planning to a minute before that spider came scaling down my wall?

OR! What if I hadn't randomly decided to change what side my head is on on my bed last week?? That spider could have been on my head right now!! I wouldn't have seen it and...and...

ksjhfihsdjflhcduwahfcaoibhfcaiwjdwiujhrf,mkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil3w

I am FREAKING myself out, dang it!
And now I'm feeling all itchy and crawly.
Gahhhhhh. Now I'm not going to sleep for awhile..

holyshetmoly.

I just killed the biggest spider ever in my room, and now I'm scared to go to sleep.

I'm laying on my bed, facing my wall, all caught up in this awesome blog, when something catches my eye, a small movement from above the screen.

I glance up, expecting a small moth or something of the sort and see a freakin' huge spider lowering itself down quickly on a silk thread toward my headboard.
I froze momentarily, then jump and yell 'ohmygodmhmygodohmygod!' while searching desperately for something to smash it because that sucker is moving fast and I briefly consider just letting it continue it's descent behind my bed, but then the image of it crawling on me next time I fall asleep on my floor flashes in my head and I quickly banish that idea. The only things within reach it seems are my pillows, laptop, ipod, and alarm clock, but none would work.

Then I see it. And I have to make a choice.

One of my favorite books, This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen, which I just finished re-reading about ten and a half minutes ago, is sitting at my feet. I didn't want to, but what choice did I have??

I pick up my book. And smash it hard against the wall. I let go of it right away, and it slips behind my bed, leaving a splotch of spider guts behind it.

Oh, my poor, poor book! Please forgive me!

:'(

Ahh!

Mmm...it's five in the morning.

I haven't gone to sleep yet :)

I don't have volunteering until one though, so it should be okay. I don't sleep much. I've got the bags until my blue eyes to prove it. I'm really a night person. I can't get anything done in the morning, and in the afternoon I'm just warming up. Night (and early morning) is when I do everything, like homework, or clean my room, and work on my stories. That's what I do mostly when I pull all nighters like this- write and work on my stories. Oh, and blog, like I am now.

Forgive me in advance if my late night/early morning, sleepless rants sound a bit too...emotional at times. At this time, when the house is quiet and dark, and the rest of the world is sleeping (well, not the whole world right now, I suppose. It's already eight in Ohio) I think about stuff deeply. Everything, my whole life, past and present. Especially past. Combine that with 24-hours of no sleep and you get one of two things- a hyped up, way-too-happy-to-be-up-at-this-time and laughing hysterically at nothing being, or a irritable, emotional, crying mess of a girl who will spend hours laying awake in bed thinking about how things in her past (or present) could have been different if only she'd not done that one thing...

Anywho, I've discovered I either turn into one of those, and it will that throughout the rest of the day until I finally do go to sleep. Right now, I do believe I'm the first one. Which is good, because I hate thinking and crying about my past. It's ridiculous, really. I mean, I can't change it. Life moves on. But my heart seems to have trouble letting it go. Well, at least certain things. Oh well. I just have to deal.

Blahhhh.

Well, I'm hungry. So I'm going to go get some cheese or something. I will talk to you later, maybe after catching a few hours of sleep. We'll see.

kaythxbye(:

happy eat-an-innocent-turkey day!

Today's the day to get STUFFED.
Hm. To bad I'm not hungry. We have a few hours to go though, so I should be hungry then.

What're your plans today? I get to go to my Oma and Opa's house (that's grandma and grandpa in dutch) for dinner. I really love going there. It's my favorite place in the world, I think. I love my Oma and Opa sooo much. As soon as I can, I'm moving out of my house and going to live with them. They aready said yes :)

Well, have a good day, and dont' forget to keep with the tradition and think of the things you're thankful for. Oh, and eat, eat, EAT!

Bye(:

on dreams;

Oh, but for flying elephants and

impossible staircases and

weeping willows and talking walruses-

where would we be?

Oh, but for laughing alphabets

and silly stories and mad rabbits

dancing across the skies-

what would get us through the night?

Oh, but for the will to read

and dream and dance in yards

and paint in between lines-

How could we say that something was not lost?

Hold onto your dreams;

they are as precious as laughter--

they are eternal, like stars.

-Ashley Rice

nice to meet you(:

So first off...hi. I'm Jake. That's my nickname.
I play piano.
And make collages.
And take pictures.
And write stories.
And I read. Alot.

I'm using this blog sorta as a place to...vent, you could say. About my life, and my quest to break free of The Quiet Girl mold. I'll have a lovely story, a funny happening, a random thought, a bitchy rant, or a sad tale any given day. Plus, sprinkled in will be music, photography, poetry, fashion, news,-- wait, we just had an earthquake! That was cool! I could hear it coming. It was tiny, but it made my lamp shake. Okay, sorry, anyways, yeah, just daily musings, things that I fancy. Maybe you'll find some good inspiration here too. I hope so.

So hello. And now goodbye. I have some cookies in the oven and the timer had just gone off. I will talk to you later then :)

Choices.

"Sometimes good choices


are really only bad ones,

wrapped up in so much fear


you can't even see straight."

"The days you remember are the big days, when life suddenly goes left or right..."

- 'The Secret Life of Prince Charming,' by Deb Calettie

It is 2:53 in the morning.

I have volunteering at eight. Bleh.
But this is normal for me. You'll see.
I guess I'll go to bed though, and my first real post will be tomorrow.

Err...later today I mean.
Okay. talk to you later then.
good morning(: