I think

the name of this blog should be changed to Diary of an Insomniatic, since most of my random posts and rants all happen in the time I should be sleeping anyways...

Oh crap.

Usually, I am very good at keeping my imagination in check around this time when I'm the only one awake in the house and probably the neighborhood. Since sleeping at normal, dark nighttime hours have become out of the question for me, I've specifically trained myself so I don't think about what could be lurking in the shower when I go to the bathroom, or what that tapping is coming from downstairs, or why I just heard the undeniably recognizable creak on that twelfth step of our staircase that only happens when someone steps on it, or that I might see a freakin' demonic clown standing in the middle of our backyard holding a knife in his hand if I turn and look out the kitchen window.

Unfortunately, sometimes I slip. And my mind wanders to those things. So I crept downstairs a bit ago set on getting a drink, maybe a snack. I keep the lights off so not to possibly wake my parents (they wouldn't really be mad, but I try not to draw attention to myself at these times and don't want to be annoying and banned from my nightly kitchen runs). I was standing at the kitchen table, eating that overly-salty cheese popcorn we got in one of those big holiday tins from one of our neighbors, and I made the mistake of looking out our large, curtain-less window.

Bad, bad idea. My mind created so many different creepy options in 20-seconds flat that I actually ducked down on the floor because I was so scared. Then I practically flew up the stairs and into my room, where I am now, trying to keep busy and my imagination at bay as I write here, after, of course, bolting my door, checking my closets and under the bed, behind my large arm chair, everywhere.

Crappppp. I just realized I left my stupid teeth thing I'm suppose to wear every night downstairs on the counter. aisurhfvikuhc;.
I don't want to go back down, but I have to.
Shoot. Shoot shoot shoot.

Another creak!!
You know, I think I'll just leave it down there until morning. I'm going to go to bed and try to fall asleep before I start really over-imagining, which probably won't work becasue it's much too early to sleep but I gotta try...

change.

Hmm. I've been thinking. Do you think people can change? I mean really change, a down to the core of their heart and soul change? Alot of people don't think so, I've discovered over the years.
But honestly, I think they can. I truly believe that if a person really wants to, they can.

"People don't change. Especially as they get older. If anything, they're habits and bad choices are reinforced as they age."

But how can you say that? How can that possibly be true? Everyone knows that when you grow up, you learn the Rights and Wrongs of life. You can't judge people on their past. As you grow older, you learn from your mistakes (well, at least most people do...). It doesn't matter if you're sixteen or eighty-three. Growing up is change. Agreed? The biggest change ever. And it's not like you stop growing up. Even people who are over 100 are still growing up. Still making mistakes and making rights.
Still changing.


So do not ever tell me again that people do not change. Because personally, I think that's just BS. A total excuse.



--Well then. Sorry about that. There's more I'd like to type and rant on the subject, but I think I should just shut up. Though it did feel nice to let out that little bit. People just frustrate me sometimes. And ever since my aunt said that on Christmas I've been thinking about it and how incredibly wrong she is. I wish I could have told her everything I want to say to her face, but you know me. The Quiet Girl sits on the couch and is seen, not heard, as she crushes holiday cookies in her fist to let out the frustration building inside of her.

Gah. Stupid Quiet Girl.

Something to Read

I just finished reading 'Life as We Knew It,' by Susan Beth Pfeffer.

"When Miranda first hears the warnings that a meteor is headed on a collision path with the moon, they just sound like an excuse for extra homework assignments. But her disbelief turns to fear in a split second as the entire world witnesses a lunar impact that knocks the moon closer in orbit, catastrophically altering the earths climate.

Everything else in Miranda's life fades away as supermarkets run out of food, gas goes up to more then ten dollars a gallon, and school is closed indefinitely.

But what Miranda and her family don't realize is that the worst is yet to come."

-

Could you survive being stuck in one room with your family for more then five months straight, not leaving once? I know for sure I couldn't.

--This book is written in diary-entry form by 15-year-old Miranda, the main character, who does indeed do that. I really enjoyed it and couldn't put it down until finishing it. It actually left me pretty creeped out and got me thinking a lot about how my own family would fare if something like this were to happen (chances are, we wouldn't be as prepared as Miranda's family was). I feel like more details could have been included, but I'm sort of a detail fanatic, so it's probably just me. Otherwise, it's a very good read and worth your time, especially if your as obsessed with natural disasters as I am (which I hope you're not, because I think I am unhealthily obsessed with them even though they tend to keep me up into the wee hours of the morning pondering about what I would do if that happened). Even if you're not a fan of the end of the world literature, you will probably still enjoy this. Most of the entries are focused on her and her family holding on to all the hope they can muster in such a difficult time and shows how important family is.

I think I'm going to grade books on a scale from 1 (bad) to 6 (really good). I give this 5 stars, and say you should take a chance reading it.

to the future and beyond

"We don't talk about the future anymore.

Not even what's going to happen tomorrow. It's like

we'll jinx tomorrow if we even mention it."

- Life As We Knew It, by Susan Beth Pfeffer

31,108 words

69 pages.
That's how long my story is so far.
The thing about me and writing is that any stories I write are too long to be considered short stories, but too short to be a book.
Not to mntion I don't even actually finish any stories.
Well, wait, no. I have finished one. It was in 5th grade, four pages long. My teacher gave me extra credit because it was so well written.
I was so proud :D

"Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't

feel I should be doing something else."

- Steinham

.

tonight has changed everything.

"To be completely honest with

you, I wanted us to fall in

love. Forever."

-Mr. Best Friend

oh man.

I feel like a freakin' stalker.





...

can someone please, just

to: you.

Dear Mr. Best Friend,

I don't want to do this. Idon'twantoIdon'twanttoIdon'twantto.

But I have to. I have to. You have no idea what this is doing to me.

Once again, I have trapped myself in a delicate web of lies that becomes bigger and more fragile everyday.

I have to get out of it.

Because everyone knows it's not going to end well.

Well, everyone except you of course.

I am so lost.

The Sparkle Effect

It came to me in a dream. It was so very odd. I was singing Broadway-style in a little outdoor cafe in Paris or something full of people. I was with this guy (who I remember as being very, very cute and handsome...) and I had said something about the 'Sparkle Effect.' He'd never heard of it and had no idea what it was. Yeah, well, you and me both dude.

Or so I thought.

Because suddenly I was up and dancing around all the people seated at the tables, flinging sparkles everywhere I went. I would go up to them, say something bad, like 'The lotion you use is tested on animals,' and they would start to cringe, then I'd toss some sparkle in their face, in the air, and they'd get all dreamy-eyed and distracted and say something like 'But it makes my skin look so young.'

That, my dear, is what I call The Sparkle Effect.

Basically, The Sparkle Effect happens when you get distracted from the truth by something better, something sparkly, that makes you forget what's really going on. For example:

'These dishes are $750 dollars. Each.'

'Excuse me?!'

'But they are made of pure Scandinavian crystal, very rare. It's a steal really, you will be the best dinner hostess in town.'

'Oh? Well, they are beautiful...I'll take a 5-set.'

or

'This coat is absolutely perfect for you.'

'Yes, it is nice.'

'It's made of real mink.'

'No no, I do not support the use of animal's fur-'

'But the minks used for these were already dead. They died of natural causes. None were harmed in the making of this.'

'Still, I-'

'And look at that fit on you. Very slimming. It was made for you. And it has these crystal buttons on the sleeve...plus the color makes you look younger.'

'Well, yes, I have to agree it does...hmm. I do need a winter coat...'

or

'The ozone layer is depleting and that's why temperatures are rising and melting the polar ice caps. We will be underwater in ten years, if we haven't all burned alive yet.'

'You mean the sun will be out more? Oh good, that means I can work on my tan year-round!'

Get the idea? People hear what they want to hear, know what they want to know, and have learned to turn the other cheek. Everyone does it. Everyone. Now, if we could all just work on stopping it...

The Sparkle Effect. Creating ignorant people since the beginning of time.

I dont know why

But every time a celebrity dies, I feel like it's really just a hoax, a big joke the media is playing on us, a trick to see how many people fall for it.
Like a giant Punk'd episode.
Especially when it's someone who seemed immortal, like Michael Jackson, or someone young, like today's tragedy, Brittany Murphy.


Celebrities just seem like they're always going to be around. They can't die; they're them. You know? Miley Cyrus, Taylor swift, Ashton Kutcher, Madonna, Beyonce...can you imagine if they died tomorrow? I know for a fact I wouldn't believe it until I saw a body or something. Even then, I'm sure I could convince myself it's a dummy or another person.

Strange.
And for some reason, Brittany's death has really gotten to me. She was only thirty. I use to think that was pretty old, but now, being more then half of that, I know it's not. And it makes me sad. And scared.
I didn't know her personally of course, but I want her to come back.

and for the record, my favorite movie she starred in was Uptown Girls.

And I don't give a rat's ass how bad the reviews were.

I loved it.

it's as simple as this;

you were restless, I was somewhere less secure

So I went running to the road

and so now there's a long list of places I was

I quit my rambling and came home.

Cause maybe I was born to hold you in these arms

Maybe I was born to hold you in these arms...

- In These Arms, The Swell Season

Something to read.

I'm a book lover. That's no secret.


What is a secret though, is the millions of fantastic books people don't read because they don't know much about it. They haven't heard about it on T.V., it hasn't been made into a movie, no celebrities have admitted to reading it, none of their friends have, or it doesn't contain and vampires or werewolves. I'm going to start posting my favorite books, classics and modern day. Plus the book I'm currently reading because I am always currently reading one. Maybe you'll find a new favorite with my help :)


Do you have any hidden favorites you think I should know about? Tell me!





(P.S...warning: Twilight will not be on this list, I'm sorry to say. Just thought I'd warn you.)

good morning...

So. A big part of the reason why I wanted a laptop was so that I could keep up with my daily blog. "I'll do it everyday!" I had boldly declared.

Well...for as long as I've had this blog, I've had this laptop. I made it on the same day this came in the mail. But, as you can see, I haven't done it everyday. Not even every other day. I'm sorry! I really am! The truth is, Quiet Girl over here isn't doing to hot in school at the moment. I'm actually an A and B student, but laziness has got the best of me yet again this year and, well, let's just say my grades aren't where they should be. Or could be. I'm extremely disappointed in myself for letting it come to this again, me scrambling at the end of the semester to get all my grades up. And I hate how disappointed my parents, especially my mom, are of me, because we all I know I could do alot better.

Anyways, lately I've been coming home and doing all my homework, staying up late to finish it, I've been paying attention in class more, and I've been coming to school without calling my mom to pick me up early at lunch or something. I've really really been working on these grades, and they take up alot of time, which is why I haven't been on here as much as I'd like. The good and bad news is that I have finals this week, starting today. This is good because I get home early all week and don't have any homework besides studying. It's bad because, well, it's finals. They make or break your grade. And I really cannot afford to have them broken more.

But yeah. That's why I haven't been posting as much as I'd like. Next semester though will be better. I'm going to get all A's and B's and have more time to write since I won't be stressing over my grades.

I just have to make it past this week.

Gotta go. Leaving for school in a bit.

Pray for me? I think I need it...

it's raining outside

I'm eating Lucky Charms

And they are just delicious. Yes, I am aware that it is a little past three in the morning.
But there is never a bad time for Lucky Charms.
And they're is no 3 a.m. blues a bowl of cereal can't fix.

Once again, Quiet Girl ruins everything.

Damn you Quiet Girl. You are my arch nemesis. Once again, you have caused me to miss a chance that could have been quite nice.

It was V, my second (girl) best friend's birthday party. It was fun, a lot my friends were there. We were having a good time. I was being my normal self that my friends all know: random, a little loud, fun...

Then the band came. Well, not really a band-band, just these two guys from her church that played electric guitar and drums. They were about our age, and really, really cute. Especially the drummer. And they sounded super good. After they're first set, they both came over to talk to the group of us. They introduced themselves, and we did the same. From the corner of my eye, I could see Drummer Boy looking at me. Suddenly he asked , "Have you ever been on T.V.?" Everyone got quiet.

"Um, no," I replied quietly.

"Really? Cause you look super familiar, like some actress..."

"Oh, really? Uh, no, wasn't me."

"Hmm. I swear I've seen you on T.V. before or something," he said with a smile. All I could do was smile and look down. Of course.

Their mom called them over, and immediately the girls pounced. "OMG, he totally likes you!" they gushed.

"Guys, shhh, shut up! We just met!"

"Yeah, but he was totally checking you out when he was playing!"

I bit my lip. Actually, he had been looking at me. I had noticed. And so had the rest of the girls it seemed. Suddenly, I had a little hope that something might come out of this...

Let's fast forward to the end of the night, shall we? I'm standing outside on the lawn, watching both guys hug and tease V one last time before they get in a car and drive away. Basically, Drummer Boy tried talking to me. He stared me down during each of his sets, tried to bump into me in the house, everything. But of course, I'm too damn shy to DO anything back. Even with all my friends trying to push me near him and get me to talk, it didn't work. I once again transformed into The Quiet Girl. Eventually, he gave up and joined his brother Guitar Boy to flirt with V, who was no doubt happy to have taken the attention off of me (yes, we're best friends, but I think we both also secretly hate each other as well. But that's a rant for another time.)

She flirted, teased, and played with them all night as I stole away to her bedroom to hide every chance I could get.

It was a very sucky night. I really liked Drummer Boy. He was nice, polite, funny...

Quiet strikes out again.

it's different now.

"But something had changed, and the feeling arrived

now the way a season does,

with surprising suddeness, melting things

and pushing up new growth."

"It is human nature, as well, to seek reason when there is no reason..."

- The Secret Life of Prince Charming

Rain, rain, don't go away...

We're suppose to have a storm today. California is the first of the U.S. to be hit by it. I can't wait! They say it's suppose to rain all day, but I don't think it will. I just hope it's at least dark and cloudy all day. I love that.

Mr. Best Friend will be there today.
Yay? :/
He freaked out again yesterday about a comment I had left my best guy friend, Mr. Perfect. All I had said was thank you for the pictue comment he had left me!!
Gahhhhh. This boy is too much, I'm telling you.
Kay, gotta head out the dorr now. Probably going to be late AGAIN...

"Falling in love was the

oldest, most ruthless catalyst

on earth."

-The Mermaid Chair

to: you

Dear Mr. Best Friend,

I liked it better when we were just friends.

Best friends.

I liked you better when you didn't like me.

Can we go back?

head case.

Okay, I am absolutely crazy about these headbands by ban.do.

So...tired...

must sleep. cannot blog tonight. eyelids shutting as I type...
but, first; aww. isn't that illustration just adorable?

kay. night night now :)

you give me the electric twist

love and electricity are one in the same, my dear.

everytime a kiss is sharedif you do not feel the jolt in your soul ,

whisper is spoken,

a touch is felt,

then you're not really in love at all.

exactly.

I think it's crazy how some quotes, photographs, lyrics, and everything else can almost exactly describe what you're feeling. I mean, they really hit dead on. They put my feelings and thoughts into words, real sentences. It makes me feel better. Less alone, I guess. It's like, you realize you're not alone in these feelings. Someone else feels, or has felt, the way you do now. They know what it's like. And that gives me great comfort, for some reason.

Know what I mean?

'Just remember, if everyone's alone, then we're all together in that too.'

good lord.

He thought that quote was about him.
Jeez. This boy...he's just a little too much then I can handle right now.

to: you.

Dear Mr. Best Friend,

Honestly, I know I should be just telling you the truth.

Keeping it from you is probably hurting you more then it should.

But right now, you're so happy.

I don't want to be the one to ruin it for you.

I really don't.

It was my own silence.

She stared at her reflection in the glossed store windows

as if to make sure, moment by moment,

she continued to exist.

- The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

painfully true.

I was just thinking...

what if I had decided to turn of my light like I was planning to a minute before that spider came scaling down my wall?

OR! What if I hadn't randomly decided to change what side my head is on on my bed last week?? That spider could have been on my head right now!! I wouldn't have seen it and...and...

ksjhfihsdjflhcduwahfcaoibhfcaiwjdwiujhrf,mkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil3w

I am FREAKING myself out, dang it!
And now I'm feeling all itchy and crawly.
Gahhhhhh. Now I'm not going to sleep for awhile..

holyshetmoly.

I just killed the biggest spider ever in my room, and now I'm scared to go to sleep.

I'm laying on my bed, facing my wall, all caught up in this awesome blog, when something catches my eye, a small movement from above the screen.

I glance up, expecting a small moth or something of the sort and see a freakin' huge spider lowering itself down quickly on a silk thread toward my headboard.
I froze momentarily, then jump and yell 'ohmygodmhmygodohmygod!' while searching desperately for something to smash it because that sucker is moving fast and I briefly consider just letting it continue it's descent behind my bed, but then the image of it crawling on me next time I fall asleep on my floor flashes in my head and I quickly banish that idea. The only things within reach it seems are my pillows, laptop, ipod, and alarm clock, but none would work.

Then I see it. And I have to make a choice.

One of my favorite books, This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen, which I just finished re-reading about ten and a half minutes ago, is sitting at my feet. I didn't want to, but what choice did I have??

I pick up my book. And smash it hard against the wall. I let go of it right away, and it slips behind my bed, leaving a splotch of spider guts behind it.

Oh, my poor, poor book! Please forgive me!

:'(

Ahh!

Mmm...it's five in the morning.

I haven't gone to sleep yet :)

I don't have volunteering until one though, so it should be okay. I don't sleep much. I've got the bags until my blue eyes to prove it. I'm really a night person. I can't get anything done in the morning, and in the afternoon I'm just warming up. Night (and early morning) is when I do everything, like homework, or clean my room, and work on my stories. That's what I do mostly when I pull all nighters like this- write and work on my stories. Oh, and blog, like I am now.

Forgive me in advance if my late night/early morning, sleepless rants sound a bit too...emotional at times. At this time, when the house is quiet and dark, and the rest of the world is sleeping (well, not the whole world right now, I suppose. It's already eight in Ohio) I think about stuff deeply. Everything, my whole life, past and present. Especially past. Combine that with 24-hours of no sleep and you get one of two things- a hyped up, way-too-happy-to-be-up-at-this-time and laughing hysterically at nothing being, or a irritable, emotional, crying mess of a girl who will spend hours laying awake in bed thinking about how things in her past (or present) could have been different if only she'd not done that one thing...

Anywho, I've discovered I either turn into one of those, and it will that throughout the rest of the day until I finally do go to sleep. Right now, I do believe I'm the first one. Which is good, because I hate thinking and crying about my past. It's ridiculous, really. I mean, I can't change it. Life moves on. But my heart seems to have trouble letting it go. Well, at least certain things. Oh well. I just have to deal.

Blahhhh.

Well, I'm hungry. So I'm going to go get some cheese or something. I will talk to you later, maybe after catching a few hours of sleep. We'll see.

kaythxbye(:

happy eat-an-innocent-turkey day!

Today's the day to get STUFFED.
Hm. To bad I'm not hungry. We have a few hours to go though, so I should be hungry then.

What're your plans today? I get to go to my Oma and Opa's house (that's grandma and grandpa in dutch) for dinner. I really love going there. It's my favorite place in the world, I think. I love my Oma and Opa sooo much. As soon as I can, I'm moving out of my house and going to live with them. They aready said yes :)

Well, have a good day, and dont' forget to keep with the tradition and think of the things you're thankful for. Oh, and eat, eat, EAT!

Bye(:

on dreams;

Oh, but for flying elephants and

impossible staircases and

weeping willows and talking walruses-

where would we be?

Oh, but for laughing alphabets

and silly stories and mad rabbits

dancing across the skies-

what would get us through the night?

Oh, but for the will to read

and dream and dance in yards

and paint in between lines-

How could we say that something was not lost?

Hold onto your dreams;

they are as precious as laughter--

they are eternal, like stars.

-Ashley Rice

nice to meet you(:

So first off...hi. I'm Jake. That's my nickname.
I play piano.
And make collages.
And take pictures.
And write stories.
And I read. Alot.

I'm using this blog sorta as a place to...vent, you could say. About my life, and my quest to break free of The Quiet Girl mold. I'll have a lovely story, a funny happening, a random thought, a bitchy rant, or a sad tale any given day. Plus, sprinkled in will be music, photography, poetry, fashion, news,-- wait, we just had an earthquake! That was cool! I could hear it coming. It was tiny, but it made my lamp shake. Okay, sorry, anyways, yeah, just daily musings, things that I fancy. Maybe you'll find some good inspiration here too. I hope so.

So hello. And now goodbye. I have some cookies in the oven and the timer had just gone off. I will talk to you later then :)

Choices.

"Sometimes good choices


are really only bad ones,

wrapped up in so much fear


you can't even see straight."

"The days you remember are the big days, when life suddenly goes left or right..."

- 'The Secret Life of Prince Charming,' by Deb Calettie

It is 2:53 in the morning.

I have volunteering at eight. Bleh.
But this is normal for me. You'll see.
I guess I'll go to bed though, and my first real post will be tomorrow.

Err...later today I mean.
Okay. talk to you later then.
good morning(: